el unfiltered 4 (a short, lifesaving read)

I've learned a lot in the past four weeks, almost none of it good, such as: one in four women or one in nine men have experienced some form of domestic violence, sexual abuse, or stalking by an intimate partner.

At the onset or at the end of any intimate partner relationship that turns violent, financial abuse will almost assuredly be occurring too. Since sharing is caring, please share this Money Matters Club post with anyone who comes to mind... because it could help save a life.

I've put in 100 hours already in my new Encore Fellow gig helping on this front! Just 3.5 months retired and really loving my life, with now a lot more to say about all I've been learning about the types of financial barriers the clients at WEAVE are facing--WEAVE is my region's rape crisis center and primary provider of crisis intervention services for survivors of domestic violence, intimate partner violence, sexual assault, and sex trafficking.

WEAVE used to stand for Women Escaping a Violent Environment. Abuse, we know, can be perpetrated on all humans, so today WEAVE stands for When Everyone Acts, Violence Ends.

"WEAVErs," my term-of-endearment for these staffers with the biggest hearts I've known, are doing amazing work to end violence, advocate for, and help heal survivors locally on a basis of 24x7x365.

Always a big proponent of social justice, I knew I wanted to contribute to a greater humanitarian cause in my retirement. So, I chose WEAVE and am in awe. The world can feel violent in general, overwhelmingly so at times like these on earth, so I'm so proud to be a part of this organization, where I have 900 more hours to give alongside these crusaders for a more peaceful community, 900 more as an Encore Fellow anyway.

I'm grateful for my former employer who extended me this great phase-into-retirement perk to join a non-profit, and on the mothership's dime!

I learned from WEAVE that a common barrier in abusive relationships, where intimate partners are perpetrating abuse, is the barrier of victims experiencing severe financial dependence on their abusers, as you can imagine (oh, and we prefer to call victims survivors).

Financial abuse is almost always a part of these equations where survivors are left with not only the trauma to heal from physically and mentally, but also, they're often left with ruined credit, horrible debt, housing insecurity, and heaps of legal and tax burdens at the hands of their abusers' horrific and often unpunished / unprosecuted behavior.

To help you identify abuse, familiarize yourself with the abuse wheel where all forms of abuse center on an abuser maintaining power and control over their victims by whatever means necessary.

I'm helping by providing survivors financial empowerment, financial literacy, and support for removing such financial barriers to achieving financial independence and stability.

My heart is full. Everyone deserves financial freedom free of abuse.

Be a helper too. K?

If you see someone in need, Club Friends, (and survivors do an incredible instinctive job of hiding their abuse for a multitude of reasons, so be tuned in to those vibrations and approach sensitively with care), please do your best to be on the lookout and advocate for their safety and financial security.

You can refer survivors to the equivalent crisis intervention center in your area and provide information to bolster their financial empowerment and stability. There are so many hearts waiting to help and resources too to support survivors!

When a survivor is ready, creating a safety plan is key to their survival and a part of that planning includes protecting their online financial life, digital life, and preserving their safe access to economic and other resources that can keep them safe and help them heal and recover.

A few actionable steps to offer for now...

Anyone in need of such a safety / escape plan should (among many other things that can be done) consider locking down your Social Security Number (SSN) and your credit so they cannot be misused by anyone else, and used only when authorized by you personally:

• Lock your SSN by calling the Social Security Administration (SSA) when safe to do so for receiving instructions/assistance at 800-772-1213. Consider locking your child/rens’ SSNs too.

• Freeze your credit when safe to do so by calling each of the credit bureaus directly or by going to their websites (Equifax, TransUnion, and Experian) to set up credit freezes.

Important additional notes about your online life/digital activity:

• Unlocking your SSN or unfreezing your credit may cause you inconvenience or anxiety in the moment you will need to go use/access them again. You may consider just monitoring your credit activity before freezing it, by visiting www.AnnualCreditReport.com where you can request to review your credit reports with all three credit agencies regularly and often (currently weekly even!), for free, to catch and address any fraudulent activity that may be occurring (each agency may record slightly different activity, records, and scores, so be sure to monitor all three and quickly address any misuse/fraud that may be occurring).

• Protect your online activity, your financial accounts, and keep your digital life (and any digital documentation of the abuse) private from an abuser or potential abuser by either clearing internet browser history and cache after each brief user/browser session, or by using “private” browsing or “incognito mode” in your browsers, or by only using devices that are completely unknown and inaccessible to others (such as computers at a public library, at a friend’s house, or a community organization you trust and can visit discreetly). Of course, we learned already about the importance of using additional tactics including very narwhal-like passwords in this recent Money Matters Club blog.

Learn even more about safety online by visiting helpful sites like this one: https://reducingtherisk.org.uk/staying-safe-online.

Thanks for reading, Club Friends! Heart this post to show your support. And tell the others!

Because money matters (and it matters especially to the outcomes of those dear souls in our communities working on escaping violent environments).

Yours,

el*

*not an expert, I just care!

PS - relationships that start out feeling like 'love bombs' may turn out to be among the most suss. Sadly. Love bombs or honeymoon phases can be a key strat of abusers, leveraged to convince their victims to stay in the 'loving' relationship. The cycle is dangerous. Here's a drawing of this cycle I found on the internet. I learned that if strangulation is ever threatened or started, the next stage is an ever-increased risk of the victim's death during next escalated incident. The origins of an abuser almost always involve a history of abuse too. Unfortunately. Where I learned even the abuser may not realize of themselves, they are an abuser. I'm in a safe and healthy relationship and wish the same for all of you too, Club Friends. Stay safe.

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E.M.Powers ("el") is a regular person with no particular financial credentials or expertise who happens to be a money enthusiast and the founder of The Money Matters Club, a virtual watercooler for like-minded individuals with a thirst for building their own financial health. Since 2006, she's helped thousands of co-workers build their financial literacy and wealth by participating in The Money Matters Club, a community she built on her employer's internal network. Since 2023, she's been attempting to scale The Club's reach through its second home on the World Wide Web. Her opinions--as well as the opinions of all participants--are just that: opinions, which are subject to flawed logic, math, typos, and correction. She keeps a growth mindset and is also always learning something new or bolstering her own understanding after discussions at The Club. All information shared is done so with the best intent to inspire and empower others to learn more about money considerations toward building their own financial muscles. Nothing shared is meant as individualized advice that anyone should act on without doing their own curious research and personal decision making. There are no dumb questions at The Money Matters Club. Your financial health and literacy are what this Club cares about. All investing involves risk. All results can and will vary.